The blog returns

I originally started our adoption blog about seven month's ago when our journey to our daughter Grace started in Zambia. While in Zambia, there were many threats to us completing our adoption and so hastily I deleted my blog because I panicked and couldn't figure out how to just make it private. We found our daughter while in Zambia, but had her taken from us along with all the other families there to adopt. The agency was accused of child trafficking by someone and everything came to a halt and we all flew home without our precious children. Since then, an investigation took place and our agency has been cleared of any wrong-doing. The agency has been working very hard for the families that have traveled so that we may be able to adopt and bring home our children. In the mean-time, it has been very hard as the days, weeks, and month's have passed and we can do nothing but sit, wait, and pray feverishly. Grace turned two December 4rth and that day was very difficult for me. I thought she would be home for her birthday and for the holidays. Surprisingly, her birthday was harder than the holidays without her. I was almost joyful that she was spending Christmas with her mother and sister's. I kept wondering if maybe this would be the last Christmas she would spend with her mother. I also wondered if her mother, Mary was thinking the same. It's funny how a woman that you have met only once can encompass your daily thoughts and prayers. Mary has written me a lengthy letter that is still in Zambia. I can't wait to be able to read what this amazing woman has to say. Because this woman is my daughter's mother and I her future mommy, there is a strange bond I feel with her. I remember the last time I saw her, kissing her on the forehead, hugging her, and telling her how amazing Grace is. I sent a large package for Mary, Grace, and her two sisters after I returned to America. It took almost seven weeks for it to arrive. David took many pictures of them receiving the gifts and I am anxious to see them. I sent Mary a sterling silver necklace with a heart shaped pendent that said "You are always in my heart". Even if it is not meant for Grace to be in our family, I will always consider her and her mother dear ones that will remain close to my heart forever. Even though all my adoption money was spent on traveling to Zambia and returning without a child, I will never regret making the trip. Maybe God's plan was not for me to adopt from this African country, but to meet the amazing people, and put them in my hearts. I also believe that this country was put into my heart for many other reasons. I have a desire to live in Africa, to help it's people, and to spend much more of life there. The Lord surely works in mysterious ways and I can't wait to see what's in store for us next. I thought that this whole trip and complications would dampen my desire to adopt, but it hasn't. Nothing in life comes easily. I am an optimist. I know that God has put the desire in my heart for a reason and I will continue to follow my heart until it no longer desires.