Our Crazy Life..... and the story continues

So much happening lately, I'm not even sure where to begin. I was supposed to be going on an all expense paid trip to South Korea for two weeks at the end of the semester through the school of nursing, however, I have changed my mind and have decided not to go. The Dean, a few students, another professor and I were to go and check out a college that we are doing exchange students with. We were going to look at their health care system and basically sight see. I have made myself sick worrying about leaving the kids and of course falling out of the sky. I have prayed about it all week and feel good about my decision not to go. We leave for the beach a week after I would have returned and my crashing and dying may have ruined the family's vacation!!!!!!

On the adoption homefront, we have decided since we have already paid our agency five thousand dollars, we should probably stay with them even though they are BIG LOSERS!!!!!! Mihiret is not going to be adoptable. I was mad, hurt, angry, and everything else for a couple of weeks and didn't think I even wanted to try again ever. Well now that I have gotten back to myself, we are very excited to announce that we have lost our minds and decided to add another.....BOY to the family, yes this means we will have a total of four boys, five if you count Mike in my house.

I've had a few people tell me recently that we could write a book about our adventures in adoption over the past five years, I agree, and actually I could probably write many books. One alone just on our three weeks in Zambia. I have always wanted to write a book actually, and that is what I am going to be working on this summer. Exciting things!!!!!!!!

Not Looking Good in the adoption world for us!!!

We have received yet some more disheartening news today. I spoke with our agency owner and asked straight up if he ever thought Mihiret would be paper ready and make it home. He told me she has no paperwork at all done on her in country. He said he couldn't say if it would happen within the next 1 or even the next few years. He said even though he thought her parents were both dead that they had to find a next of kin. They don't even have the death certs, nothing!!!!

He said we could get in the back of the line and wait on another referral, but we couldn't continue to wait on Mihret and also another referral. Well, I didn't tell him but I had already decided that if Mihret doesn't make it home that we are finished with adoption all together. So we have decided to wait 18 month's until the new I-171H renewal I just received is no longer active. If she isn't home by then, we are no longer pursuing adoption at all.

We have lost 35, now 40 thousand dollars in failed adoptions and it's not fair to the children I have at home to continue financially and emotionally. Most of this money was in loan form that we continue to pay on. Money that could have been put away for college for my boys.

I am heartbroken, nauseated, and feel quite numb right now. Please pray for our family for healing and please pray for Mihiret, who will continue to sit in an orphanage with no family to call her own. She knows no different as she has been there since around 2 months of age, but it just isn't fair to these children.

The "Boss" Man has arrived!!!!!

Whoah! is all I can say about "Boss" our new puppy. I love him dearly already, but I think I was somewhat mislead by the breeder. But what can you expect when you buy a puppy over the phone and depend on the breeder to pick the right puppy for you. I had been looking for around six months for a border collie and couldn't find any even within driving distance. They all seem to be in the mid-west. Well, Boss is the biggest titty baby I have ever seen in my life. I have never met a pup (he is 12 weeks) so timid and afraid of everything. He has been home for a week now and is just starting to get off the couch for longer than two seconds. Any noise and he jumps, any sudden movement and he is spooked. I was having to carry him into the yard to use the bathroom because he was too afraid to even go outside. We are making progress, but it is slow, really slow. I was hoping to do agility and freestyle frisbee with him, but not sure he will ever get to that point. He is even afraid of toys or balls. Well, at least he's sweet, to humans anyway :(

All about perspective!!!!

Well, we received news last Friday that there were issues with paperwork for some families with our adoption agency. They were going to let us know by Monday who all was affected. I knew we would be one of those families and it was confirmed via an e-mail from an agency rep. on Sunday. I won't lie, at first I was angry, really angry, yeah, so angry I wanted to punch someone in the face, anyone at that point , even my husbands face was looking like a great target Sunday night (poor Mike). Mixed in with was anger was a lot of crying and grief.

But, of course the more I prayed and talked to God about it all, I knew everything would be OK. I have had a feeling that God was waiting for something to happen within our family specifically before Mihiret would come home. I talked to my pastors wife a couple of months ago and told her I felt like God was waiting on Mike. I told her I felt like God was working in him and that this work was important and needed to be finished before bringing one of His children into our family and home. Well, when I received the news about our paperwork, it somewhat confirmed what I had been feeling. I know the answers aren't clear now, but I know when our blessed little one arrives we will be able to look back and see the answers we so desperately want right now. I know for me, I am choosing to trust in the Lord. None of this is new or Surprises Him, he has had this planned since the beginning of time.

I have also thought about a little one, with a not so great immune system arriving in December, or January, or February and right in the middle of this H1N1 season. This delay may have saved her life. And to be honest, none of this is about us anyway, it's about the kids. Maybe there is work for them to do before coming to their families, maybe they're purpose has not been served where they are yet. We may never know and we can blame and blame and blame, but in the end it won't change what is supposed to be. When we have all the little ones home with us this will all be a distant memory. Please pray for all the families affected by this, that they would have patience and trust in the Lord during this trial. Please pray that the children will grow in faith while waiting and will be loved and cared for.

Love, love, love this!!!!!

I saw this on another blog I follow and I just absolutely love it. I am going to read it at church one day. It's about watching orphans worship the Lord.

"When orphans worship, their voices are loud, their eyes are closed tightly, and their little hands are gripped together. Your jaw will drop as you watch them physically enter into the presence of a king.

When orphans worship, their voices ache to express their hearts. Their songs are ones of desperation and admiration to a creator who they know holds them in his palm.

When orphans worship, your eyes fill with tears as you feel God all around you. Physically, you are overcome and spiritually you are one with the Lord.

When orphans worship, their last care in the world is what you, I, or their friend thinks of them. They sing loud, undignified, and with passion.

When orphans worship, you begin to wonder if this is what it is supposed to be like for us. You begin to wonder why God’s presence is so strong there, but we struggle to enter into any meaningful worship in our clean, well lit, and finely carpeted buildings.

When orphans worship, you are easily convinced that there is nothing else on their minds. Their deep expressions can tell you a thousand stories about the throne room.

When orphans worship, their instruments are their voices and the clap of their hands, but you’d probably swear you also could hear percussion, guitars, and booming pianos.

When orphans worship, they appear as though they have learned something we haven’t. While you and I find it so hard to believe that we have a God who loves and desires us, they take no interest in such foolishness."

Please Lord give me a court date!!!!

This is kind of how my part of my daily prayers go......

please give me a court date, please, please give me a court date, I need a court date, I really need a court date, please give me a court date, Amen. P.S. And please let us pass on the first try. Amen again.

Matthew 25 (A great version)

For I was hungry, while you had all you needed. I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed more clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved...whatever you have done to the least of these, you've done it to Me." Matthew 25 according to Richard Stearns, President of World Vision