Re-entry!!!!!!!!

ANY TIME I RETURN HOME FROM AFRICA, I AM TOTALLY WRECKED. AND THIS TIME HAS BEEN NO DIFFERENT. WHEN I VISITED ZAMBIA I WAS COMPLETELY WRECKED FOR THE CAUSE OF THE ORPHAN. WHEN I VISITED ETHIOPIA THE POVERTY AND ORPHANS WRECKED ME. BUT SINCE RETURNING FROM GHANA, I AM WRECKED ON SO MANY LEVELS. PHYSICALLY, I AM EXHAUSTED, BUT EVEN MORE SO THAN THE PHYSICAL EXHAUSTION, I AM EMOTIONALLY A MESS. THE PEOPLE OF GHANA WERE AMAZING, OUR NEW CHILDREN EQUALLY AMAZING. I HATED LEAVING THEM. I FELL IN LOVE WITH THEM INSTANTLY. I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE PEOPLE OF GHANA ALMOST AS INSTANTLY. I'M NOT SURE I HAVE EVER BEEN TO A MORE PEACEFUL PLACE FULL OF CHRISTIANS. CHRISTIANS WHO ARENT AFRAID TO PROCLAIM THE GOOD NEWS TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE. I LAYED IN MY BED EVERY MORNING LISTENING TO CHILDREN WORSHIP THE LORD FOR AN HOUR IN SCHOOL, PRIOR TO STARTING THEIR STUDIES. I LISTENED TO THE GHANAIAN PEOPLE SING AND PRAISE GOD FOR HOURS SUNDAY EVENING. I LISTENED TO THE GHANAIAN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT PEACE WAS TO THEM. CHURCH SUNDAY MORNING IS 3 1/2 HOURS LONG AND EQUALLY LONG SUNDAY EVENING. AND EVERYONE IN THIS COUNTRY AND I MEAN EVERYONE GOES TO CHURCH. ALL OF THE WORKERS AT THE GUEST HOUSE ARE EXCUSED FOR CHURCH ON SUNDAYS. THEN I RETURN HOME AND HEAR OF THE MOST HORRIFIC NEWS I COULD EVER IMAGINE WITH THE SCHOOL SHOOTING IN CONNETICUT. AND I LIKE EVERYONE ELSE SCREAMS WHY? WHY LORD? AND I HEAR EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE NEED HERE TO PREVENT THIS FROM HAPPENING EVER AGAIN. MORE GUN CONTROL, LESS GUN CONTROL, MORE SECURITY AT SCHOOLS........AND I JUST WANT TO SCREAM......WAKE UP AMERICA, WE NEED JESUS CHRIST, WAY MORE OF JESUS. AND THAT IS ALL WE NEED. WE NEED TO GO TO GHANA AND VISIT FOR A WEEK AND FEEL THE PEACE THAT ONLY JESUS CHRIST CAN GIVE. INSTEAD OF SENDING MISSIONARIES OUT, WE NEED TO BRING THEM IN. I AM SO BROKEN FOR THE FAMILIES OF THESE CHILDREN, I AM SO BROKEN FOR THE TORTURED SOULS HERE AMONGST US. IM NOT SURE WHERE TO GO FROM HERE. I FEEL LIKE MY WHOLE LIFE IS A JOKE AFTER RETURNING HOME. I AM BROKEN. I AM BROKEN. WE NEED AFRICA MORE THAN AFRICA NEEDS US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mortal Brain Damage

Lessons learned......maybe....hopefully......finally!!!!!!!! I wonder how many times the Lord shows us something or teaches us a lesson through the Holy Spirit and just sits there shaking His head because we "Just Don't Get It?" In my case I'm sure it's quite a lot. How frustrating is it to try to teach your kids lessons over and over and you think "really, do they have brain damage?". How can they not get it? How can they make the same mistakes over and over and not change. Think about this example.....a man buys a treadmill.....returns it two weeks later and tells the clerk.....I didn't lose a pound with this thing....I want my money back. The clerk asks if something was wrong with it and the man replies.....I don't know I never used it. Seems silly right? Well not really. How many times have we prayed for the Holy Spirit to lead us in a different direction? Asked the Lord to heal a broken relationship, break us free from an addiction, help us to lose weight? And then we become frustrated because we think the Lord isn't working in our lives. We pray for change and expect God to do everything on our behalf with no effort from ourselves. Now I am sure the Lord has chosen to instantaneously break people from their addictions or heal relationships, but in my case I have learned that God wants active participation from us to bring about change and freedom from sin. The Holy Spirit invites us along in the journey and promises to be with us and in us every step of the way. I learned this lesson a few years ago and apparently due to my mortal "brain damage" chose to forget it ever so quickly. I prayed for the Lord to help me quit smoking. I prayed and prayed......oh how I prayed and begged and pleaded. No result. Hmmmmmmm! Maybe the Lord wants me to keep smoking cause he sure ain't taking my cravings away!!!!!!! Then one night I was praying and it was light a Holy Spirit lightbulb went off. The voice said "you have to take the first step.....I'm not going to do it all for you". Well HELLO!!!!!!!(see mortal brain damage). I did take the first step and it was amazing......not one craving during those months. Wow!!!! Lesson learned....NOT!!! Fast forward to about three months ago. If you read my previous post you will understand the divine message that we are supposed to adopt two older children from Ethiopia. What I left out was my little deal I made with God during that period. You see I told myself if God wanted us to adopt these kids then he would come up with the money for it.....of course with no effort on my part.....poof! It was going to just appear. I made up my mind that I would not go into debt for this adoption. So many times over the past few months I had given up. Well we can't come up with the first 4500 dollars so I guess that's it....the Lord doesn't want us to adopt. Then every once in a while I was sent a message through friends....don't give up, we can do this....then I thought OK so maybe God changed his mind....LOL!! Needless to say this cycle went on for months. He does...He doesn't....He does....He doesn't. Then last week the Lord once again revealed to me ever so gently, even though I deserved to be cold cocked in the head, that He wanted me to work along side him to bring these kids home....he wanted my heart and passion....not for me to stand by on the sidelines and expect a miracle. So me and my poor little brain damaged self went to work.....and you know what.....the Lord moved on the hearts of others just as I had been praying all along. My prayers didn't change.....I did. We are just like our kids.......hard headed and difficult to teach. I hope this is the last time I have to learn this same lesson.....but if my brain damage creeps back in.....rest assured....the Lord will be shaking his head but will keep on teaching.

We are giving away a brand new ipad to benefit the adoption of Helen and Haptamu. There are 50 chances left for a $50 dollar donation to the site on the right. You have a 1 in 100 chance of winning. Not only could you win a brand new ipad, but you are also helping two children become un-orphaned. No child should have to go to bed at night without a kiss from a Mom and Dad......Let's get them home!!!!!!!

God calls those who are not equipped......literally y'all !!!!!!

Gods call on my life has always been clear and the older I become, the clearer and louder His voice has become. Sometimes I wonder why me? Why couldn't I have been called to be a Sunday school teacher or one of those people who pass out bibles.....I could do that.....it would be pretty stress free. But I am called to love the unloveable, the forgotten, the nameless, THE ORPHAN. And let me tell you it is HARD. And let me let you in on a little secret....once you are called He doesn't let you forget what you are meant to be doing on this earth. It's so hard for my family to understand why? Why care about them? Why would you do this to yourself? Why can't you just be a normal Christian that goes to church on Sundays and Wednesday nights like everyone else? Some days I wish I was, I wish I could. But I can't. The Holy Spirit won't let me. He's like a nagging Mama you know. You see when you are in love with Jesus and you pray "Lord, give me your eyes, I want to see others as you see them....I truly want to be your hands,feet, and body" He answers you and not only opens your eyes but also your heart and soul for those. I don't want to be a safe Christian, I want to be fearless and take risks in this life and love recklessly.....I mean isn't that what we are called to do? And that brings me to our newest challenge. Two children were brought to our attention. A 15 year old girl and her 10 year old brother that desperately need a family and medical care here in the US. For some reason I thought we were supposed to inquire more about them. Do I think adopting older kids is scary.....HECK YES I DO. I have two teenagers that have lived with me their whole life and they scare the bejeezees out of me on a regular basis. So my plan was I will pray that when I ask my husband Mike about them, that if we are supposed to adopt them that his heart would be ready and he would say yes, however if he said no, then I would know from the Lord it was also a "no". In my mind I knew it was a "no" so no big deal right, I mean the man just said no recently to a little guy in Ghana that was so daggone cute, anyone would have loved, so there was no way he would say yes to two teenagers, I mean he would be out of his mind right? WRONG, as soon as I mentioned it, without even a pause, his exact words were "Yeah! Let's bring them home".....oh Crap Lord, now what's my game plan?????? So we started the process again, knowing we had no funds for this adoption, but if this is what we are supposed to do and the Lord says GO, who am I or money for that matter to stand in the way. Again, I started doubting, thinking there is no way we are going to be able to do this.....and so I pray again...."Lord, now listen, if we are supposed to bring these kids home, I need a sign. Not some pansy wansy one because you know I need one that smacks me upside the head. I want a big sign, a huge one....tomorrow". Ok so I am sure we aren't going to get some big one tomorrow....so I go to sleep that night, wake up and go to work, completely forgetting about my "so called deal" I made with God the night before. THEN my friend shows up, another nurse practitioner, that is also an adoptive dad and great man of God. We were talking about work and shooting the breeze then he says "we want to give you and Mike something to help with your adoption" and proceeds to hand me 1000 dollars. I was humbled and in awe but still didn't quite get it right away....(yeah, told you I was slow!!!!). So many hours later I was sitting outside our building on the stairs alone enjoying a minute of peace when it hit me. Yes....it took that long. I remember looking towards the sky and saying to myself " OK God, I get it" So even after all of these affirmations from God....I have still been a doubter. So the money came due for the agency, we didn't have the first deposit and we were going....actually have lost the referral for the kids......until He threw some God loving, orphan loving women in my path. So here we are, we have raised in less than a week 2500 dollars, over half of what we need for the first deposit to secure those little souls as "ours". And Traci, when you said " O you of little faith". Boy you had no idea. Just call me Thomas....... Thank you so much to all who have donated to get these kiddos home....I am humbled beyond words.

Manningisms

Well, Manning is notorious for his quotes. He is the six year old. We taken to actually giving his quirky quotes a name....Manningisms.

The other day he says as he is hugging his baby sissy "I love her so much, I am so glad I have a baby sister, I always wanted a black sister." I laughed so hard, I thought I would pee myself.

Then today he was hugging the baby and said as he looked at me "I think this is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life." I giggled and he said...."What? I love my sister."

You would never even know this little one was adopted (well, minus the difference in skin color) because her three brothers love her as if she was born in this family. I am so thankful that I have such loving boys with a heart for compassion and love and God.

I was talking to Manning the other day and telling him that we are now related to the Ethiopians. I explained to him that the Ethiopian people were Cambria's family and now that she is our daughter/sister, the Ethiopian people are now also part of our family forever.

He must have took this literally, because he was asking what all nationalities he was made up of (and he is a mutt). I explained he was part Italian, German, Irish, Cherokee Indian, ........and then he added "And Ethiopian."
Of course I replied...."yes, part Ethiopian :)"

My son is a poopy mouth!!!!

so the upside of the sickness happening all around us is last night I happened to look over at the six year old who was apparently taking it upon himself to take his temperature orally with the thermometer I had just used on the wee one......RECTALLY!!!! And no it hadn't been cleaned yet. My first thought was "man I hope her giardia is completely gone" and amidst the laughing siblings, I quickly took him to the bathroom and did what every knowledgeable nurse practitioner would do, I made him rinse his mouth out with Listerine. Not sure if it killed the germs on contact but at least his mouth didn't smell like BUTT anymore :)

Ethiopian adoptions and we are still sick!!!

I can't help but praise God everyday for my beautiful daughter that I know was handpicked by God especially for us. She is so much like us, it's hard to explain. After reading the recent post about new happenings in the adoption arena I especially thankful the little one came home when she did. I must be naive but I had no clue all of the wrong doings were going on. I know there is bound to be some corruption to a certain extent, but was totally shocked to read the accounts of baby finders going into the villages.

I am hiring a PI to investigate into C's past to be able to tell her about it and hopefully make contact with her birth mother. I know nothing about her past except that she was relinquished and they could not find the mother again.

Oh and back to the sickness. Well after the pneumonia, the older boys all had the flu, and now as of two days ago little miss does also. I was so worried since she just recently recovered from pneumonia but it looks like the prayers are working because she isn't nearly as bad as my youngest son was with it. What I don't understand is all the boys had flu shots. Our ped. said there were a ton of positive flu's lately in kids that had received the flu shot. And although I have been completely worn out and exhausted from caring for sick kids the past two weeks, I am grateful that we live in a country where I can call up a Dr. for advice, walk over to my medicine cabinet and pull out what we need. I think about what it would have been like for little miss if she had pneumonia or the flu in the orphanage. At 7 1/2 month's old, she was only 8 lbs, full of intestinal parasites and I'm sure had a weakened immune system. I am not sure she would have lived through this at the orphanage. So while I am sad they are sick, I am very glad she is sick in my arms where she is being loved on continuously.

Drowning in sickiness!!!!

Yes, I said sickiness :( Blah! Blah! Blah!

Man I don't think our household has been this sick ever. So Cambria has recovered pretty much, she is up to 18.4 lbs, the little chunker, in size 4 diapers, and just rolled from front to back yesterday for the first time for her MAN. Hubby had her yesterday when she did it and he just happens to be the love of her life. It's so weird, all the boys have always been gaga over me, not her she is a little diva that adores her Daddy. She must have felt sorry for me that I didn't get to see this first so she repeated the performance after I came home for work.

The Little man who is 6 has been sick since last Saturday and this child never gets sick, I mean NEVER!!!!! Took him to the dr. today and he tested positive for flu B. Wish I handled the flu this well, unless his fever is rising he is still on the go and talking our heads off.

The 13 year old is sick also. I don't know what he has, I give up trying to diagnose. Probably a mild flu also even though he had the flu shot. Our Pediatrician told us today she is having tons of positive flu cultures even in kids that had the flu shot. I pray the little one doesn't now get the flu right after her pneumonia. She is too little for Tamiflu, but I am starting it, well because i am a Mom and as everyone knows, momma's just can't get sick. I don't have time !!!!!

The Ped. clinic has also had 75 positive pertussis (whooping cough) cases in children that were vaccinated. That is scary. The bugs are getting smarter!!!!

Total cuteness!!!!!!

My sick little princess :(

The sixteen year old was sick last week, you would have thought he was dying and little miss had a snotty nose. I thought M was much sicker than her. Well on Saturday we woke up and I noticed she was having some breathing issues when I would lay her flat to change her diaper. I took her to one of my long time friend who is a physician. When we arrived at the office her pulse ox was 94% and I immediately felt panic welling up inside of me. So after the chest x-ray we were looking at the films and there was a consolidation in the right middle lobe. Yep! The little one has pneumonia. So after a breathing tx. at the office her sats came back up to 100%
So we are doing antibiotics, steroids, and xopenex breathing treatments at home. I almost cried everytime I thought about her being sick for two days. It just hit me like a ton of bricks that had she been in Africa, I don't think she would have made it. I was overwhelmed by God's perfect timing to bring this precious girl home. She was the quiet one, never cried, or fussed and in an orphanage setting that isn't qualities you want to have. Because she was so meek and mild, she was overlooked, not played with, not messed with. When we brought her home at 7 month's old she weighed only 8 pounds. She had parasites and I am sure a weakened immune system. I don't think she would have made it to toddlerhood in the orphanage.

And her orphanage wasn't even a bad one. There are just so many kids and so many babies, that if you aren't complaining, you aren't getting the attention. We noticed the very vocal spunky ones were much farther ahead developmentally and nutritionally. What's the old saying, "The squeaky wheel gets the oil?"

So even though I am so sad that she is sick, I am also so very grateful that she is sick here. Here at home, with a Mommy, Daddy, brothers, and grandparents that love her more than anything in the world. Even with Pneumonia she is doing great. She now weighs 18 lbs, is sitting up by herself, and actually yelling when she wants something. All it took was love and attention to bring out her inner divaness :)

Sick Babies :(

I think the hardest part of motherhood is when one of your babies are sick. Little, little has a snotty nose. Have you ever heard of projectile snott? Well, that's what she has. It shoots out with every sneeze, kind of crazy!!!

The sixteen year old has also been sick for two days. No matter the age, my heart still hurts the same. He was so miserable last night, body aches, sore throat, and crying because he felt so bad that he couldn't even lay down and sleep.

I remember when the two oldest were little. When they were sick, I would panic and call my mom so she would be with me. I was so young and scared to death when their fevers would shoot up to 104. I was twenty when I gave birth to M and 23 with C. I would cry to my Mom telling her I couldn't do this, I couldn't handle them being sick. I thought it was the worst thing in the world.

Even though it still hurts my heart when they are sick, I loved being able to love on and care for the sixteen year old. Even though he knows way more than me, well actually I take that back, he knows EVERYTHING, he still needs his Mommy when he is not feeling well and I took full advantage of my opportunity to show him compassion and love.

Ethiopia Part One

I have not blogged in quite a while, so I thought for the New Year my resolution would be to begin writing again.

First off, my send off to Ethiopia was quite non-dramatic compared to when we left for Zambia. When my oldest son, mother, and I left for Zambia, which also happened to be my first trip on a plane, let alone half way around the world, my husband and two youngest sons accompanied me all the way to DC and stood crying as we went through security.

When leaving for Ethiopia for the little little's court hearing, my friend that was going with me, picked me up at the house and after a few goodbye's and kisses we were on our way. Guess the family considers it old hat now when I fly around the world to another continent.

I was still feeling unsure that this adoption was even going to happen, after three failed attempts, so I was treating this trip like a week long girl's get away that just happened to be in AFRICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We sang and danced and laughed during the four hour drive to Dulles. Ate dinner at the airport and met up with our traveling buddies, which were awesome I might add.

The flight was long and grueling, and I'm sure we all were malodorous upon descent. I have a habit of literally talking to anyone, anywhere and making friends wherever. So the plane ride was no different. I met an amazing older gentleman who spent nine month's every year in Ethiopia teaching at Addis Ababa University. His Amharic was flawless and he chatted easily with all the Ethiopians on the plane. He was married and left his wife every year for the past 17 years. I loved watching this Ferenge interact with the locals, so cool, I so wanted to be him.

As we landed in Addis, we could see fires burning throughout the country side. We didn't realize but Sunday was the eve of the Ethiopian Holiday called Meskel. Meskel is the holiday to celebrate the discovery of the cross that Jesus Christ was crucified on. Smoke was everywhere, and if someone on the plane hadn't told me about Meskel I would have sworn that the airport and half of the country had gone up in flames. The amount of smoke was enormous and it was difficult to breathe.

We decided to stay at the Panorama. A very nice little hotel that appeared to have dropped out of the sky and landed in surrounding slums. We checked in and found our rooms. Our room was about the size of my smallest bedroom, nah, probably smaller. The only good thing about it was the windoor or doordow as we nicknamed it. It was a window that acted like a door you could open step out on a small balcony. We spent a lot of time out there just watching the daily happenings in the city and staring at the beautiful mountains in the distance.

At 2am, we were starving and ordered room service. We had pasta with a mushroom sauce to die for. After finally falling asleep, we woke up early, showered, ate our complimentary breakfast and headed to the lobby. We assumed a driver would be there to pick us up to take us to meet our children. After numerous phone calls and hours of waiting we were finally on our way. The orphanage wasn't far at all and it was our first look at Addis in the daylight. The city was bustling and it was a beautiful sight. We turned down a dirt road at the Messy Caf'e, and there was the brown metal door. We entered, all a bit nervous and anxious. The children were all sleeping and the looks on the nannies faces when they saw all the Americans come in was priceless. Kind of like, really you had to come at nap time :)

I videotaped all the children in their cribs. I actually videotaped little little before I even realized it was her. I hunched over the crib just staring at such a perfect little brown faced girl. She finally opened her eyes and flashed the biggest smile I have ever seen. We spent two hours a day with the children every day while there. We would have stayed all day, but the nannies didn't want the routines completely awry.

OK, so this was day one, and my fingers are hurting. Boy, this is going to take longer than I thought. Part Two coming soon.

About Me (A Fun Post)

True or False
I never changed a diaper before my first child was born

True or False
I always knew I wanted to adopt but wasn't so sure about giving birth

True or False
I have three dogs, two cats, and a bird

True or False
I question my faith daily

True or False
I lean on my Savior every minute of the day\

True or False
My husband has tried to kill me in his sleep

True or False
Most days my animals are better behaved than my kids

True or False
My secret wish is to live in Africa as a long term missionary

True or False
I want to flash my girls one time at Mardi Gras

True or False
I once dreamed of becoming a FBI Agent

True or False
I once dreamed of becoming a marine biologist

True or False
I would commit bigemy if Denzel Washington proposed

True or False
I absolutely loved every minute of my childhood

True or False
I married my best friend and soul mate

True or False
I could live in the bush without any problems

True or False
I worry a lot

True or False
I would adopt 10 children if I had the money

True or False
I would adopt 15 children if I had the money

True or False
I dream of being a homeschooling/stay at home mama

True or False
I love my mommy more than anything in the world

True or False
I also lov my daddy lot's

True or False
I once fell from the top of a ladder in the middle of a dance routine at a high school football game

True or False
I recently let my child swim at a pool party for 10 minutes before I realized we were at the wrong party on the wrong day

True or False
I had nephrotic syndrome in highschool and spent a month in the hospital

True or False
I wake up 5 to 6 times a night to pee

True or False
When pregnant, I wake up 10-15 times a night to pee

True or False
I love my chocolate lab more than any of my other animals

True or False
I really want to be a sophisticated wine drinker, but I can't stand the taste of it

True or False
I once loudly exclaimed in the middle of a sports store "There are plenty of other Dick's around here!" as my eldest son begged for the very last catcher's mit in Dicks Sporting Goods.

True or False
My youngest colored our border collie with a blue sharpie while I fell asleep on the couch

True or False
I secretly dream of torturing the border collie on a regular basis

True or False
I dream of living on the beach

True or False
I am scared shitless to fly

True or False
I am rarely ever down

True or False
I am always in a good mood

True or False
I think I piss people off because I am always happy, like a big Lab running at you!

True or False
The nurses almost didn't let me bring the oldest home because it took me over an hour to dress him

True or False
I love pregnancy

True or False
I love my job

True or False
I would love to work for an adoption agency one day

True or False
I really like to say "told ya so" every time I tell the little one not to do something and he does and ends up somewhat injured

True or False
My relationship with the Lord gets stronger each and every day

True or False
I think about dying a lot the older I get

True or False
I am afraid of death

True or False
I love the smell of my husbands skin at the end of the day, especially around his temple area

True or False
I love to watch my boys smile

True or False
Can't wait to see my baby girl smile

True or False
Sometimes I feel closer to my adoption friends than my friends here

True or False
I can no longer rent movies in the US or Africa because of late fees

True or False
Thought I would be put in jail for not returning movies in Zambia on time

True or False
Thought my husband was going to kill me when someone called from Africa about movies being turned in

True or False
I didn't go back to a store after I realized they didn't charge me for an item once

True or False
I am a hippie at heart

True or False
I am a nerd

True or False
I can belch and fart right along with my boys

True or False
I want to be a congress woman one day

True or False
I want to change the world

True or False
I truly believe that one person can make a difference





Give up? They are all true. That was fun. Now how about you?

God at work

I just love to sit back and look at all the ways God is and continues to show His presence in my life. I reflect on a regular basis. I didn't use to reflect this often and realized I was missing out on an opportunity to piece things together and truly see where He is working throughout my life.

Another one of these opportunities came about recently. My cousin was visiting recently. She is a social worker down in the southern part of WV. I was telling her we had recently decided on an agency with which we would proceed with for foster care in our county. As I picked up the application, I thought to myself "I need to get busy and fill this out today." The Holy Spirit spoke and said "wait, just wait". I was like, "OK, God, whatever, I'll wait, just let me know." The next day we received an e-mail from our adoption agency saying they had a little girl for us that was 2.5 month's old. They knew we had decided not to continue with international adoption two month's ago. The lady said she really wanted to place a little one with my husband and I and that she was paper ready and could be filed for court immediately. Of course we said YES!!!!!

So now, I know why I was to wait. Obedience to God brings about many blessings. Obedience is something that I continue to work on daily in my walk with Christ. A relationship with Christ leads to knowing Christ which leads to recognizing God's voice, which ultimately leads to obedience. Only God knows what is in store for us with this new referral. Maybe this adoption will work out this time, maybe it won't. I will not question God's work, even if I don't understand it. My only work is to continue to be faithful and hang on for the ride!!

Where did he come from?

I am talking about Manning, my five year old, robust, loving, stubborn, outspoken, opinionated five year old. I must say he does get a lot of his traits honestly ( I won't say from which side of the family however). He is just never ending with his points of view. He cracks me up every day, actually throughout the day.

With the many snowstorms that have battered us in the north-east, Manning and I have spent now, 8 days together 24/7. There have been times I have wanted to kill him over the past week, but i am sure he would tell you the same about me.

First off, I should start by reminding everyone that Manning is the baby of three boys. My oldest is month's away from turning 16, and the other is almost 13. From day one, this child has been coddled and spoiled, not by us, his loving parents, but by his older brothers. They would let him get away with anything, he could do no wrong in their eyes. They yelled at anyone for disciplining him, even the babysitters. Nobody and I mean nobody messed with "their baby". I can tell you now that this loving relationship has become not so loving since the child has grown and now has opinions and thoughts of his own. He is just not so cute to them anymore, in fact he is very annoying, or so they tell me.

Why the background, you ask? Because I blame those two elder son's for creating the little five year old monster.

Last night as my husband, Manning and myself were driving home from the mall and we all were talking. Mike and I in front and Manning in the back in his car seat (yes, he is almost six and still in a carseat, I am a worrying mother that also happens to be a nurse married to a paramedic)I was talking about how I needed to finish up the laundry when we returned home from spending money we didn't have. Although I did purchase the avia fitness rocker tennies. I wore them for an hour and my butt looks like so hot!!!! NOT!!!! Anyway, Manning decided to put his two cents in on this conversation that went a little something like this;

Manning; Mom you do all the housework all the time, you do everything while dad just sits on his butt

Me; Wow Manning, I didn't know you made observations like this. What kinds of things does mommy do at home?

Mike; smirk

Manning; You cook, clean, do the dishes, sweep, do the laundry.........

Me; Daddy helps with the laundry sometimes.

Manning; Uh! NOT very often!!!!

Me; So what kind of duties do you think we should give daddy around the house

Manning; Everything (overexaggerated and with dramatization with the hands) he can do all the work while you sit on your butt and watch!!!!!

Mike; Not smirking anymore, more of a OMG where did this kid come from look

Me; Wow that is a great idea. How long do I get to sit on my butt?

Manning; Til I am grown up and gone

Mike and I; hysterically laughing

This conversation sooooo made up for all the times I wanted to kill him the past 8 days. I told Mike, "this kid is soooooo on my team and not yours" He loves, loves his mommy. And to top the night off, the final conversation in bed went something like this (yes, he sleeps in bed with us, right smack dab in the middle)

Me; Manning do you want to go to my meeting with me tomorrow or stay here with your brothers

Manning; I want to go with you, I don't care how early I have to get up, I am not staying with them!!!!!

Me; OK go to sleep, we have to get up early

Manning; continuing to blab on

Mike; Manning, go to sleep I have to get up early for work

Manning; Dad, you just have to go to work and save people's lives, MOM AND I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT MEETING TO GO TO!!!!!!!!!

Oh how I love him.

Our Crazy Life..... and the story continues

So much happening lately, I'm not even sure where to begin. I was supposed to be going on an all expense paid trip to South Korea for two weeks at the end of the semester through the school of nursing, however, I have changed my mind and have decided not to go. The Dean, a few students, another professor and I were to go and check out a college that we are doing exchange students with. We were going to look at their health care system and basically sight see. I have made myself sick worrying about leaving the kids and of course falling out of the sky. I have prayed about it all week and feel good about my decision not to go. We leave for the beach a week after I would have returned and my crashing and dying may have ruined the family's vacation!!!!!!

On the adoption homefront, we have decided since we have already paid our agency five thousand dollars, we should probably stay with them even though they are BIG LOSERS!!!!!! Mihiret is not going to be adoptable. I was mad, hurt, angry, and everything else for a couple of weeks and didn't think I even wanted to try again ever. Well now that I have gotten back to myself, we are very excited to announce that we have lost our minds and decided to add another.....BOY to the family, yes this means we will have a total of four boys, five if you count Mike in my house.

I've had a few people tell me recently that we could write a book about our adventures in adoption over the past five years, I agree, and actually I could probably write many books. One alone just on our three weeks in Zambia. I have always wanted to write a book actually, and that is what I am going to be working on this summer. Exciting things!!!!!!!!

Not Looking Good in the adoption world for us!!!

We have received yet some more disheartening news today. I spoke with our agency owner and asked straight up if he ever thought Mihiret would be paper ready and make it home. He told me she has no paperwork at all done on her in country. He said he couldn't say if it would happen within the next 1 or even the next few years. He said even though he thought her parents were both dead that they had to find a next of kin. They don't even have the death certs, nothing!!!!

He said we could get in the back of the line and wait on another referral, but we couldn't continue to wait on Mihret and also another referral. Well, I didn't tell him but I had already decided that if Mihret doesn't make it home that we are finished with adoption all together. So we have decided to wait 18 month's until the new I-171H renewal I just received is no longer active. If she isn't home by then, we are no longer pursuing adoption at all.

We have lost 35, now 40 thousand dollars in failed adoptions and it's not fair to the children I have at home to continue financially and emotionally. Most of this money was in loan form that we continue to pay on. Money that could have been put away for college for my boys.

I am heartbroken, nauseated, and feel quite numb right now. Please pray for our family for healing and please pray for Mihiret, who will continue to sit in an orphanage with no family to call her own. She knows no different as she has been there since around 2 months of age, but it just isn't fair to these children.

The "Boss" Man has arrived!!!!!

Whoah! is all I can say about "Boss" our new puppy. I love him dearly already, but I think I was somewhat mislead by the breeder. But what can you expect when you buy a puppy over the phone and depend on the breeder to pick the right puppy for you. I had been looking for around six months for a border collie and couldn't find any even within driving distance. They all seem to be in the mid-west. Well, Boss is the biggest titty baby I have ever seen in my life. I have never met a pup (he is 12 weeks) so timid and afraid of everything. He has been home for a week now and is just starting to get off the couch for longer than two seconds. Any noise and he jumps, any sudden movement and he is spooked. I was having to carry him into the yard to use the bathroom because he was too afraid to even go outside. We are making progress, but it is slow, really slow. I was hoping to do agility and freestyle frisbee with him, but not sure he will ever get to that point. He is even afraid of toys or balls. Well, at least he's sweet, to humans anyway :(

All about perspective!!!!

Well, we received news last Friday that there were issues with paperwork for some families with our adoption agency. They were going to let us know by Monday who all was affected. I knew we would be one of those families and it was confirmed via an e-mail from an agency rep. on Sunday. I won't lie, at first I was angry, really angry, yeah, so angry I wanted to punch someone in the face, anyone at that point , even my husbands face was looking like a great target Sunday night (poor Mike). Mixed in with was anger was a lot of crying and grief.

But, of course the more I prayed and talked to God about it all, I knew everything would be OK. I have had a feeling that God was waiting for something to happen within our family specifically before Mihiret would come home. I talked to my pastors wife a couple of months ago and told her I felt like God was waiting on Mike. I told her I felt like God was working in him and that this work was important and needed to be finished before bringing one of His children into our family and home. Well, when I received the news about our paperwork, it somewhat confirmed what I had been feeling. I know the answers aren't clear now, but I know when our blessed little one arrives we will be able to look back and see the answers we so desperately want right now. I know for me, I am choosing to trust in the Lord. None of this is new or Surprises Him, he has had this planned since the beginning of time.

I have also thought about a little one, with a not so great immune system arriving in December, or January, or February and right in the middle of this H1N1 season. This delay may have saved her life. And to be honest, none of this is about us anyway, it's about the kids. Maybe there is work for them to do before coming to their families, maybe they're purpose has not been served where they are yet. We may never know and we can blame and blame and blame, but in the end it won't change what is supposed to be. When we have all the little ones home with us this will all be a distant memory. Please pray for all the families affected by this, that they would have patience and trust in the Lord during this trial. Please pray that the children will grow in faith while waiting and will be loved and cared for.